Ass manager update. 

We never ended up pulling the prank on the ass manager.  At one point during planning it dawned on me that I am twenty-five years old and should be well past the age of practical jokes.  That realization pissed me off even more than the ass manager himself so that anger coupled with some fucked up goings on in my personal life turned me from my usual assertive self into an impatient, snippy bitch.

So anyway, the ass manager called in sick yesterday... for the next several days.  He claimed he was just under so much stress in the workplace (somebody fucking gag me).  We all got a good laugh out of that one (as we pull double shifts to cover for his stupid, lazy ass).  My aunt/manager pointed out that when I was around the guy practically sweats through his shirt because I am so "aggressive" in the way I do pretty much everything.  We laughed even harder about that.

I feel a tiny bit bad but I haven't had a decent amount of time with my kids in three weeks partially due to the lazy assistant manager.  No wonder I'm fucking aggressive.  The guy is dead weight and if he quits he'll have a harder time dinging the company for unemployment.  Sad but true and on that viciously angry note... I'm going to have a drink and read my kids a book.  I hope they remember me.  

I just realized I never checked my work schedule for the new week.  Goddammit.  Now I'll have to call my aunt, who is my immediate superior, in the morning and check it.  Then she'll go tell my dad, who is her boss, that I didn't check my next week schedule because I was too busy laughing it up with my co-worker/cousin at the end of Friday's shift.  Then my dad will tell me to remember to check the schedule because he doesn't want my aunt calling him and bugging him about stupid stuff in the middle of a meeting.  And I'll get the lecture about how I need to be more organized and it will help me and the company and time is money and blah, blah, blah.  I know all that stuff but lack of meds, two toddlers, and a new routine throws me off balance.

My normal schedule is a cush nine to five but my aunt likes to switch it up an hour here or there just to fuck with me sometimes.  Gotta love family, huh?  

Oh and don't get me started on the assistant manager guy.  Let's just say he puts the "ass" in assistant and I'm going to be boot-stomping it if he doesn't get with my program.  Harsh?  Hardly... this guy is just that stupid.

Tee hee.  Just wait till Wednesday, ass manager.  You'll never guess what we've got planned. 

Saturday night.

I can see my dad from where I sit.  He's worked his ten millionth 14-hour day today and now he's snoring away in his favorite chair.  I hope he takes a slightly easy tomorrow considering the occasion... not likely but I hope.

I've seen Dad age in the past few years.  When I graduated from high school he was forty... his face was remarkably unlined and his hair free of any gray.... he was mistaken for my brother on more than one occasion (much to my chagrin!).  Now... seven years later, he has changed.  His dark hair is now at least half gray... wrinkles and crows feet are etched permanently on his face instead of just when he smiles... something he hasn't done much of lately.

Running a large business takes up all of his free time.  He's working more than ever because of a recent acquisition of a smaller business.  His mother is dreadfully ill with something that has yet to be pinpointed.  His wayward oldest child has returned to the fold and brought chaos along.  His second daughter is contemplating annulling a month old marriage.

My dad.  Everybody's rock.  He counsels me (the wayward daughter) and consoles my younger sisters, supports his parents, and keeps the peace between his siblings.  All the while... through it ALL... he is wildly successful... beyond anything he dreamed of as a dyslexic, troubled schoolboy.  The one teachers said would never amount to anything.  They couldn't have ever been more wrong.

Our Papa Mike is the greatest.  Happy Father's Day to one fucking awesome dad.      

Otherwise known as "Searching For What Never Was and other pretentious games".

I get lightbulb moments all the time.  It's just that the damn thing never stays on... it'll flash for a minute or sometimes five if I'm feeling extra sharp but after that it all fades back to a shade of gray reserved for the especially lost. 

An exercise in contradiction.  Two sides completely different.  I am one but I am never the same.

It been harder lately.  The bubbly exterior gives way to a torture chamber of unresolved emotions... I live with it... mostly at night when I struggle to sleep... the thoughts, the emotions, and my reactions to them alternately fill me with guilt or leave me feeling smug which leads to guilt itself.  When I finally sleep I am wracked with nightmares of disapproval, abandonment, and failure.  Overcompensation becomes an issue because I work overtime to assure that none of my fears will come to life.

Disturbed.  Textbooks say cookie cutter.  They don't know the half.  Strength.  It lies within.  Brilliance.  It turns out the lightbulb always burns... a curse in itself... I can't see what always was and wait for never will be. 

... the Duane chronicles.

So anyway, I'm back in my hometown after a lengthy absence but I swear to something that it's like I never left.

I'm also back doing the same job that I was doing before I left and even after seven years I get recognized... by everybody... and their brother, dog, and third cousin, Mary.  People have crazy memories.  I must've made quite an impression.  Tee hee... there's my ego popping up with its two cents.  Or it could be that I look exactly the same as seven years ago.  Might have something to do with it.

I keep seeing all of these people and...

Duane.  Sigh.  I had the biggest crush on him back in the day.  Hell, I still do... old (bad) habits die hard.  Too bad he was always extremely off-limits.  Not married or anything... just not a smart choice.  I could get into the "whys" now but these are chronicles... so I need to leave some for later, right?  I will say though that this isn't some "guy who broke my heart" deal.  I never dated him... there's no way I could have gotten away with that... but again, that's for later.    

He first caught my eye around my senior year in high school.  Tall, lean but muscular, with the sharpest blue eyes I had ever seen.  He looked good.  The guy was smart too... there was no doubt about that and he oozed with sexuality born of confidence and success.  He walked like he owned the world... turns out I caught his eye too.... 

And the Duane Chronicles.

First though, updates.  It's fucking hard to find childcare for my babydolls in this area.  Family has been helping so far but my typical working hours are off just enough (10am to 6pm) that a lot of providers can't take them.  ("Sorry, I only work until five."  "Sorry, I never work Wednesdays." and the best one of all: "I have one opening.  Could you just split them up... you know, put one here and one in another place?")

Fucking morons.  I work hours that are totally plush in this minimum-wage worker infested hellhole.  They couldn't work an extra half hour to hour?  I said I'd pay extra!!  What happened to people's greed factor?  I sure could use it now.  And why, why?!!... would I separate my children when they have never been in daycare and would be scared to death even when together?

So I'm frustrated and I've wasted too much time on this when I should be making phone calls. The damn Duane chronicles will have to wait a couple hours now.  Fuck.

I work for my parents (which would explain the nepotism) in their relatively large business... I am employee number 73... sometimes my dad can be evil (that explains why I call it the evil empire).

I don't do anything with the meth-heads except work with them.  Most of them are really nice people who just got mixed up in some bad shit. 

I am very much joking about the nepotism and evil empire stuff.  I am low woman on the totem pole at this point and my dad is a really good person to work for as long as you do what is expected of you.  Seems fair to me.

It really is just a regular job.  I'm lucky to be able to work for my parents... I got to skip the interview process and the wage is good.  I'm very thankful for all of that.

Thanks for all your nice questions and comments too... I have access to a computer at my grandmother's house (where I live) but I have been a bit too busy to stay around and chat much... hoping to be around more on weekends soon though. 

I'm the head of an evil empire.  Nepotism abounds. 

My co-workers are mostly honest people trying to scrape by... I say mostly because a select few are raging meth-heads.

It's pretty much a regular job. 

Nothing.  I don't have anything to say.  I'm the busiest I've been in years and yet I have nothing to say.  Well, nothing I'd post publicly anyway. 

In other news... hmm... there isn't much else to report. 

So.  More non-thoughts later.