Otherwise known as "Searching For What Never Was and other pretentious games".

I get lightbulb moments all the time.  It's just that the damn thing never stays on... it'll flash for a minute or sometimes five if I'm feeling extra sharp but after that it all fades back to a shade of gray reserved for the especially lost. 

An exercise in contradiction.  Two sides completely different.  I am one but I am never the same.

It been harder lately.  The bubbly exterior gives way to a torture chamber of unresolved emotions... I live with it... mostly at night when I struggle to sleep... the thoughts, the emotions, and my reactions to them alternately fill me with guilt or leave me feeling smug which leads to guilt itself.  When I finally sleep I am wracked with nightmares of disapproval, abandonment, and failure.  Overcompensation becomes an issue because I work overtime to assure that none of my fears will come to life.

Disturbed.  Textbooks say cookie cutter.  They don't know the half.  Strength.  It lies within.  Brilliance.  It turns out the lightbulb always burns... a curse in itself... I can't see what always was and wait for never will be.