That's pretty much it.  I'm really at a loss to find the eloquent, descriptive words that would best fit my current state of mind.

I write not for sympathy but for clarity.  This is hardly a play for pity - an emotion I despise whether it's given or received.  I know myself and I know my thoughts and their patterns.  I'm not really in need of help or advice... just trying to organize the jumble. 

Tonight my thoughts leave me unsettled.  Too many occurrences that defy logic... cannot be explained.  Good or bad, the unknown frightens me... and more often than not, good things that cannot be explained turn out to be bad.  That is not pessimism... it's reality... and I rest easy knowing my feet are planted firmly on the ground.  That does not keep me from wishing that the fleeting in my life would turn into concrete but I know... deep, deep in my soul... that it could never be. 

Far too close to fantasy to ever become reality.

Shit in one hand, wish in the other.  So much for eloquence but sometimes that just doesn't get the point across.